Swallowing my Pride and Going Indie

 It’s taken me a while to find the guts to write this post. For so many reasons, friends. One being I’m Facebook friends with my previous publisher as well as my previous editor and the truth is I would hate for them to read this post and feel dissed. I would hate for them to read this and think that I’m not grateful for the investment they made in me.

Because I am.

But the truth is I wasn’t happy under their direction. It was partly my fault, it was partly theirs. They’re a small startup company with few connections and a learning staff. Guess what, I’m pretty much a startup myself. So no judgments. I knew something needed to change, but I was in denial and then my third book came out. Roses Don’t Have to be Red. (Is that not the longest title on the planet?) Honestly, I can’t even remember the exact date—because I wasn’t excited. 

How horridly ridiculous is that? I had worked my tail off and produced a pretty fabulous novel, and I wasn’t excited on release day? 

I couldn’t deny what I had to do any longer. 

And really, the only thing getting in my way at that point was my pride. My stupid, too big for my britches: PRIDE.

I had made a pros and cons list, I had talked to my closest confidants, I had prayed… and prayed… and prayed… all concerning this choice. 

The truth is I knew what I had to do, long before Roses came out. But my darn pride kept saying—“Really, Jen? Really? After publishing three books with and ACTUAL publisher you’re going to go rogue? You’re going to SELF-publish? Yikes.”

I dreaded the day someone asked- “So, you published this yourself?” Because they’d asked before. Many times. It’s hard to find a publisher willing to invest in you and each and every time someone asked that question my pride happily answered- “Of course not. I have a publisher.” I would no longer be able to say that. I would have to own up and say- “That’s right. Boo-ya! I sure did.”

Here’s the other thing, I have friends who are self-published and I feel so happy for them, so excited for them, so in awe at their talent. My pride never ripped them to shreds, only myself.

Why is that? Why do we do that? 

No matter what your “self-published” case is, why do we look at our amazing accomplishments and say to ourselves- It’s just not good enough. When in fact it is! It’s pretty awesome, in fact. 

So, as a side note to this: why I ditched the publisher post, I want to say—STOP IT. Look at your amazingness and smile, don’t find every flaw on the planet in your project. And go with your gut. Deep down you know what you want, find the path that leads you there. If you need to swallow that pride like the great whale swallowed Jonah, do it!

When that first copy of Untouched showed up on my doorstep I cried. Then I laughed and with all the giddiness of a seven year old little girl on the day she finally gets to ride a flying unicorn through a sky filled with rainbows I made a live Facebook video. (Something that scares the pants off of me.) But I had to share with the small world following me what had come. I spent countless hours writing and editing, I had hired a content editor, worked with two amazing proofers, worked with a gifted friend for the cover, hired someone to help with the blurb, and found other author’s to review. And I HAD to share my baby.

It was right. It had the right title, the right cover, the right blurb, the right reviews, and the right sweat, blood, and tears woven into its pages. It wasn’t perfect—it still isn’t. But for all of my knowledge and effort and work—it was beautiful. And I found myself right where I needed to be, I had worked my tail off and it had been worth it.

Would I love to be published by a major publisher? Umm, yeah. Do I still have hopes for that one day? You bet. 

But for now, I am happy doing this work the best way I know how. And I’m happy to not be settling for something that isn’t quite right for me.

Hi, I’m Jen. I have three chick-lit proper love stories published with a nice little publishing house based just outside of Las Vegas. I also have one (and one on the way) Young Adult fantasy romance that’s indie published. 

And that’s pretty awesome.