Evicting feelings of guilt and entitlement

I had an epiphany this morning. A good one.

Let me tell you how it came about:

My son is on the swim team. He has to get up early every Saturday for swim meets. I haven’t slept past 5:47 a.m. in 17ish days. And I’m tired. But that’s okay, I’m also this lady called… Mom. It happens.

Anyway, I had my alarm set to get up at 5:30 this morning to help my boy get out the door, but my husband’s alarm went off ten minutes before mine. He got up and started getting our son ready, and I knew it was so that I wouldn’t have to.

Well, immediately I felt GUILT. That oh-so lovely feeling that likes to weigh you down and ruin your day.

In my desire to not feel the ugliness of guilt and stay in bed I replaced the guilt with entitlement. Why shouldn’t he get up? I get up early every single day and make lunches and get kids ready and take the dog out… yahta yahta… all that lame-o stuff.

But, and here’s where the epiphany came—I instantly knew I was wrong in my feelings. And I didn’t want that negativity inside me. Because I love that man. He also gets up early. He works his tail off every single day.

So, I made a choice to replace the guilt and entitlement with GRATITUDE.

And it made all the difference.

See, entitlement is not a feeling that brings peace because it does not stem from love. It comes from a self-serving attitude that never made anyone happy.

So, I stayed in bed. I didn’t get up. I didn’t make L’s lunch. I laid in bed, truthfully thinking about this post and feeling very very GRATEFUL that I am married to someone so loving and thoughtful. And then I thanked him. He served me and I felt very grateful for that service.

Service is love.

Gratitude is love.

And gratitude often creates service.

I want to keep this in my mind and my heart and remember to not consume my soul with guilt and to not darken my heart with entitlement, but to serve, to love, and to be GRATEFUL!

 

Rejection... get your paws off my kid

I'm a writer.

Rejection and I are like good friends who've hung out on several occasions.

There are so many benefits to rejection. I know it. I've experienced it. I've benefited from it.

But right now, I really want to tell rejection to suck it and hands off my kid.  

My L. He loves sports. Football, soccer and very much so basketball. He was so excited to try out for the junior high basketball team. The first time he actually had to "try out" for anything! He would come straight home from school, get ready, talk my ear off about the orange ball and then an HOUR and TEN minutes later we'd head to try outs. He'd come home red in the face, sweaty, legs killing and smiling. It was a good pain. It was a good sweat.

And then... (I'm guessing you've all guessed) yesterday he was cut. 

Cut.

Cutting causes bleeding and pain and tears... can't they call it--> Maybe Next Time? 

Yeah... cut makes a lot more sense. 

We sat in the middle of the road, my car crooked in a bad u-turn and just hugged. Driving home I tried to say all the right things-- "I'm so proud of you!", "You did so great!", "There's always next year.", "I'm sorry.". 

And my boy. He was visibly very sad, but all he said was, "I'm so happy for "T, J, B..." Yeah, all his friends made it. 

And I wanted to turn around and curse that school-- "Don't you realize you've cut the nicest kid on the planet??" I'm guessing they don't care about or evaluate "nice" though. 

I wanted to curse the fact that I had zero athletic skills to pass onto him.

I kind of wanted to curse team sports all together--which isn't a great plan, since it's a team sport that pays my college coach husband and my house-bill.

Ugh.

We got home and while his brothers offered him condolences, I locked myself in my room and cried, cried like a baby.

Crud. This was so much harder than if they'd just cut me. 

I have suffered multiple rejections--they did not feel like this. 

Rejection has it's blessings, it really does bring benefits. I know that! It's apart of life--everyone's life! I know that too. So... I'm trying to see those for L. Man, it's hard to see when it's your baby.

But I'm trying to see the good. He's doing a much better job at it than I am.

The Blessings of Rejection

(to name a few...)

1. It's a chance to grow. Constant approval does not stretch us, teach, help us. 

2. It's an opportunity to explore new things. We aren't all good at the same things. Thank goodness!! Rejections helps us to discover and try something new.

3. Patience. Yes. It gives us more of that.

4. It can motivate us to work harder, try again, do better.

and 

5. It makes us stronger. A person who is handed everything they want is a weak person. 

I believe all these things. I do. Rejection brings all kinds of blessings. I do want all of these blessings for my kids. Still, if I'm honest--I don't want them all the time. Success is nice too.

In the mean time, we're going to be patient and exploring and hopefully becoming better people. 

When do boys stop eating their boogers?

Boys.
I have three of them.
Three.
And according to some strange old gal in Walmart that fact alone is sending me straight to Heaven.

Boys.
They smell.
Their rooms. Their clothes. Their shoes.
They smell.
It's true.
It's not one of those myths or old wives tells that people say that's all exaggerated.
They smell. Weird. Pungent. Stink. And a smelly candle or febreeze doesn't make it go away.

They're loud.
Not like, "Hey, that TV is a little too loud. Could you turn it down?" But more like, ----- ---- ---- -- ....I'm speaking, you just can't hear me, the boys are too loud.

They run around like crazy people trying to get away from zombies. They run around the kitchen table even though it's right next to your breakable nativity and even though you told them not to just yesterday... an hour ago.... 5 minutes ago... They run. It's like there is something inside of their bodies that says: ready, set, GO!

They have some strange hearing loss issues. "Go clean your room." can't ever makes it's way into the inner ear, but a whisper to someone else of "Should we catch a movie this afternoon?" sinks right in.

All of these things are true.
Not kidding.
No exaggeration.
All of them.
And yet, I have no idea what I would do without my boys.

I am so greateful that I am not in charge.
I would have sent myself  a house full of girls. Sisters.
And probably one sweet son--that's what my mom had and it seemed to work out perfect.
Yeah... only that wasn't for me. God knew better.
Thank goodness.
He sent me sons: #1, L, and the Sheriff. Oh, how I needed those boys. And then of course the little cherry on top, Little Miss. --I need her too, but today, it's about the boys.

Boys--at least my boys, love their mom so fiercely. When they were smaller they would look at me like I was the most beautiful thing on the planet. They didn't care that I had day old puke on my shirt or hadn't washed my hair in three days. I was Momma and that meant something great to them.
They hug me like they may never see me again and kiss me goodbye any and every time they leave the house.
They are very good to me and they are exactly who I need. Because of them I will be better mom to Little Miss too. They have taught me to be more patient and to get over things quick! --I'm still working on both those skills, but they're helping me.

I love my boys.
I need my boys.
The End. :)