Apraxia--this isn't how I thought you'd make me feel

What did I think I'd feel when they told me my daughter was apraxic? 

I knew it was coming...

So, why does life feel like it just changed?

Childhood Apraxia of Speech:

Childhood apraxia of speech (CAS) is a motor speech disorder. Children with CAS have problems saying sounds, syllables, and words. This is not because of muscle weakness or paralysis. The brain has problems planning to move the body parts (e.g., lips, jaw, tongue) needed for speech. The child knows what he or she wants to say, but his/her brain has difficulty coordinating the muscle movements necessary to say those words.

Yep, that's what it is.

I was anxious to get Little Miss's test results. I was ready to know the facts, figure out what we're doing and get doing it!

Except now, that seems to be easier said than done.

Baby girl is 4 years old. 

She's in the 2nd percentile for speech for kids her age. Which means 98 kids her age out of 100 can say things she cannot.

So, they referred to her as severely apraxic.

Maybe I thought once we knew, there would be some fabulous switch to flip and we'd be on our way.

But there's no switch.

There's therapy. 

Lots and lots and lots of therapy.

"Drilling it into her"...

Drilling anything into a 4 year old seems cruel to me. And yet, it's what we need to do.

Her therapist and I talked about a dozen things--things like how I can help at home (thank you!!), things like how she may need a signing interpreter when she starts school, things like- how will we know if she's learning to read?, things like how she is so bright and so smart and this is going to make learning and evaluating what she's learned difficult.

Things that make my stomach hurt and my eyes constantly leak.

I'm trying to remind myself that just a couple of months ago I wrote a post about #1's back brace and how worried I was and how scared I was. And 4 short weeks later I wrote a post about the blessings we'd gained from it.

I'm hoping that's how this goes.

That sooner than later--I'll be writing about the blessings of apraxia.

And maybe I'm not feeling the blessings of apraxia yet, but I do know the blessings of having my girl. I know how special she is. How good and beautiful her heart is. How she is destined for so much.

And I wouldn't trade her for all the words in the world.

Memorial Day & Kids

Memorial Day is coming.

When I lost my mom it brought on a new meaning for me.

It became important to me.

...sorry to say it wasn't really before. 

It was nice. It was good. --but it wasn't important to me.

The thing is I want it to be important to my kids to. 

I need them to remember what they can.

So, the past several years we've done something--we've started a tradition. And my kids know what memorial day is now. They remember. And they love it.

I buy a pot of flowers, usually mums, for my grandparents, the hubby's grandparents, my cousin, and of course my momma.

I cut a strip of card stock for each pot. Then the kids pick a person (from above list) and they decorate a wrap for their pot and pick out a set of flowers for them.

Here are a few of our strips:

It never fails, while they are decorating their wrap, they ask questions about their person. They want to know what they liked, what they did. 

Some they met and some they never did. But they want to know more and ask questions no matter what. 

Two years ago L made one for his Great Grandpa Bruce whom he never met, but is named after. He asked me so many questions I ran out of answers and he had a list for his dad when he got home.

And then we deliver them as a family.

One year we got snowed in at home and we couldn't travel to deliver our pots. But we'd made them. We'd remembered our loved ones. We hadn't forgotten the meaning of Memorial Day.

It's something small. Something simple. Something cheap. 

But it means a lot at our house.

The Relatives Came

And came and came.

And I loved every minute...

And it reminded me some what off my favorite children's book:
(Thanks for introducing me to it, Beck!)

I love this book. 

Amazing illustrations by Stephen Gammell and beautiful words by Cynthia Rylant.

If you've ever had a houseful of relatives... or if you're anything like my family (hugging aunts or cousins or siblings just to get from one room to the next), I'm guessing you'll love this book too.

You can find it here for only 7.99:

The Relatives Came

Growing up and being the youngest--by quite a few years, all of my siblings were out of the house by the time I was 12. I have so many memories waiting by the window, watching for my sisters and brother to come home from far away places.

This year our family Christmas party was at my house. 

And I felt like a little girl again, waiting for the relatives to come. 

My sister who I hadn't seen in 2 years.

My niece, her daughter who I hadn't seen in 3 years.

My nephew, her son who I hadn't seen in 1.5 years.

And all the others! The all came. They all stayed.

Every bed, every couch, some of the floor... it was all taken up by a sleeping, beautiful, lovingly missed relative. 

And for me, it was heaven.

The relatives came and we laughed and hugged and ate food galore. Without a doubt, it made my mother smile.

Yes. Heaven.

Christmas still comes—even when you’re grieving

Six years ago this October, my cousin, who I lovingly refer to as my nephew, passed away.

Five years ago this October—the same day, but a year after my nephew passed away, we found out my mom had cancer.

Needless to say, October 23 is nobody’s favorite day.

Nick died 2 months before Christmas. And Mom passed just 10 days before this blessed holiday.

 Mom had been in the hospital and we made sure one of us was always with her. It was difficult with two kids in school and one at home and being three hours away. But it was hard for all of us kids. It was hard being away from our families, hard being away from Mom. We all had our difficulties. But she only spent one night alone—and we made sure that didn’t happen again. Still traveling back and forth, enduring sleepless night after night, worrying until it caused physical pain--it all took its toll. None of us had much time to decorate or shop—it didn’t matter. But Christmas came anyway.

It didn’t matter that our hearts were broken. It didn’t matter that we’d just planned a funeral and wrote an obituary. It didn’t matter that at Christmas dinner there would be two gaping holes where loved ones should be—Christmas came anyway.

Thank goodness it did.

I won’t lie and tell you of the amazing experiences I had those years. They were hard. And painful. And I wouldn’t want to relive them. But it was never more apparent than in those awful times WHY we celebrate Christmas. It’s not just about that giant package under the tree. It’s not about finding the prettiest Christmas tree. It’s not about a feast big enough for an army. It's about Christ.

Our loving Father in Heaven gave us the most precious gift—His son. And because of that gift, I will have my mother back. I will see my cousin again.

Yes, thank goodness Christmas comes—even when you’re grieving.

4 reasons you'll be happier if you try harder to love your in-laws

I was looking up in-law quotes, I wanted a cute quote/picture to go with this post, but they were all awful and mean! Made me sad!

I pretty much have the greatest in-laws ever... so some of you are probably thinking-- sure it's easy for you to love your in-laws!

And ya, it pretty much is.

But I honestly believe that if it's difficult for you to love them and you try harder--you will be happier!

And here are 4 reasons why:

#1- You will have a better relationship with your spouse!! 

These are the people who raised the person you're madly in love with. If you are constantly hating on them it can't be good for you personal-nothing-to-do-with-anyone-else relationship with your honey.

#2- Family Tradition. Family History!

Your family traditions/history is now his and visa verse! Think of what you could learn and the fun times you could have. Besides, you aren't the only person in this relationship, maybe he/she would like to have some of their family traditions instilled in the family you're both creating!

#3- You'll BE an in-law one day!!

Karma people. 

Or whatever. 

I had a friend once who wanted daughters so badly, because she just knew that you only stayed close to the "girls" family. Hmm, that's ridiculous. And sad. And now she has 3 sons.

Love your mother-in-laws ladies, most likely they're pretty awesome. 

And you'll be one, one day!!

#4- YOUR CHILDREN

These people are your children's blood, their other half. Having a good relationship with them, means having a better relationship with your own babies.

So, I know there are always seriously crazy people out there... but for the most part, our in-laws are just different than us, than our families, than what we're used to and know. Instead of rejecting those differences we need to learn to love and embrace. 

It makes for happier hearts.

Happier families.
Happier YOU.