I'm Giving God 20

When Timothy was two years old I was called to be in Young Women’s. I was excited to work with the leaders and the girls. I was thrilled to be back where my tender testimony was born. But as I happily accepted the Bishop’s call, the spirit quietly said to me- “If you accept this, you will go to girl’s camp.”

I can honestly say my excitement faltered… just for a moment. I had never left my little boy. I was as attached to him as he was to me. I didn’t go out with my friends unless it was a mommy/child thing, I didn’t work outside my home, and Jeff and I rarely ever went on dates—not something I recommend. The point is, I never left the kid. So, the thought of leaving him for four nights and five days made my stomach churn. But camp was months away and I really did feel like it was where Heavenly Father wanted me, so I took the call.

And I loved it as much as I thought I would. Until camp came. My nerves were on edge, my emotions like a roller coaster. How could I leave this little man who so greatly depended on me? The few times I had left he’d been a wreck. How could I leave him now for days? –dramatic right? Some of you are totally rolling your eyes at my mommy-freakout and that’s okay. It was fairly dramatic, but that’s sincerely how it went down.

The day of camp came and I left strong, only a lump in my throat. I held the tears back and immersed myself in the girls and activities. It was good. I thought of my Timmy at home with his daddy and missed him dearly. I made him a pillow case with a dinosaur on it and stashed other fun treats and trinkets for him. 

When it was time to come home I was beyond ready. We pulled up to the church, in town, just blocks away from my baby, but with an hour of work to do—getting the girls their bags, waiting for parents to pickup, cleaning the trailer, however, Elaine Huntsman being the most beautiful woman on the planet, and knowing that my heart was ripping to shreds with the separation, told me to head home. She didn’t have to offer twice. I couldn’t speed away fast enough. 

When I got home, my house was empty. Empty! I was so angry and then my anger turned to sobs. My husband and son returned home an hour later (they were out buying me a welcome home present J). Still, as I showered the weeks’ worth of dirt off of my body I cried my stinking eyes out. (Seriously… my poor sweet husband!)

It had not been an easy week, to say the least. But I did it because I love God. I love my Savior. And I loved his daughters and wanted to serve and influence their lives too.

Fast forward 17 years and that little two year old boy who loved his momma more than anyone in the world is now 19 and preparing to leave me, our family, his friends, school, and work for two whole years.

I have 10 days… and then for a time he’ll belong to Sacramento. He won’t see his family, friends, so forth. And we won’t see him.

In a weird way this is just as difficult as it was when I left him all those years ago. I know it’ll be harder, but right now, that time is one of the things I think about, that’s how it feels. I keep reminding myself why we’re doing this. Why we want to do this! --Because our loving Heavenly Father has blessed us with more than we could ever have hoped or asked for. Because we want Tim to experience selfless love and service. Because we love the Book of Mormon and know how it changes lives and makes them so much more worthwhile. Because the good news of the Gospel is for all. 

And I know, I know! when Tim comes back to us, he will just be a better version of his already pretty great self. You can never give to God without Him giving back to you ten-fold. I know Tim will be blessed, we’ll all be blessed. I’m honestly excited (and terrified and distraught—all at the same time) for this fabulous change in our lives. So many wonderful lessons to learn, so many blessed experiences waiting for us all. It’s going to be good, people. It’s going to be tough. And it’s going to be worth it.

He’ll leave at 19, he’ll come home at 21. I’m giving God 20. It’s the least I can do after all He’s given me.