I'm there.

I'm there, people. Well, I'm one month and 15 days away from being there.
And I'm one of those--freaking out, tearing up, stressing out...
Ugh.
I am almost in the "all the kids are in school" place. And it isn't a terrible place. Many people can't wait for that place--and that's fine, that's them. But I'm not excited for this place.
In all honestly I'm dreading this place.
And it isn't because I won't know what to do with my time. I have plenty to do with  my time... who doesn't? It's just, well...

I was writing in my journal tonight. It's a pretty leather bound, swirly designs at the binding, little book. I love it. I've had it for years and years and started using it 5 years ago. I flipped to one of the  middle pages and found a page my girl had colored all over as a toddler. I remember when she did it, I took the book away and frowned at the marks all over my pretty book. I saw a blemish. Today, with  my baby not even two months away from public school it made me smile. It made me so happy. A little bit of baby girl love in the middle of my favorite book. Perfect.

So, while I'm dreading this new place in my life, I'm realizing it's only because of how good life is. And the next stage though different will be just as good--at least that's what I'm going to keep telling myself. I'm sure I'm right. I really am. My spirit just needs to catch up with my brain. And until then I will cry. And when my kids all go off to school in August I will let myself miss them. I will let myself grieve for the noise and the games and the story times and the little helpers at my side wherever I go. Because it was wonderful. It was amazing. And it was over in a blink. And probably should be mourned, at least for a minute.