Apraxia--this isn't how I thought you'd make me feel

What did I think I'd feel when they told me my daughter was apraxic? 

I knew it was coming...

So, why does life feel like it just changed?

Childhood Apraxia of Speech:

Childhood apraxia of speech (CAS) is a motor speech disorder. Children with CAS have problems saying sounds, syllables, and words. This is not because of muscle weakness or paralysis. The brain has problems planning to move the body parts (e.g., lips, jaw, tongue) needed for speech. The child knows what he or she wants to say, but his/her brain has difficulty coordinating the muscle movements necessary to say those words.

Yep, that's what it is.

I was anxious to get Little Miss's test results. I was ready to know the facts, figure out what we're doing and get doing it!

Except now, that seems to be easier said than done.

Baby girl is 4 years old. 

She's in the 2nd percentile for speech for kids her age. Which means 98 kids her age out of 100 can say things she cannot.

So, they referred to her as severely apraxic.

Maybe I thought once we knew, there would be some fabulous switch to flip and we'd be on our way.

But there's no switch.

There's therapy. 

Lots and lots and lots of therapy.

"Drilling it into her"...

Drilling anything into a 4 year old seems cruel to me. And yet, it's what we need to do.

Her therapist and I talked about a dozen things--things like how I can help at home (thank you!!), things like how she may need a signing interpreter when she starts school, things like- how will we know if she's learning to read?, things like how she is so bright and so smart and this is going to make learning and evaluating what she's learned difficult.

Things that make my stomach hurt and my eyes constantly leak.

I'm trying to remind myself that just a couple of months ago I wrote a post about #1's back brace and how worried I was and how scared I was. And 4 short weeks later I wrote a post about the blessings we'd gained from it.

I'm hoping that's how this goes.

That sooner than later--I'll be writing about the blessings of apraxia.

And maybe I'm not feeling the blessings of apraxia yet, but I do know the blessings of having my girl. I know how special she is. How good and beautiful her heart is. How she is destined for so much.

And I wouldn't trade her for all the words in the world.