Right on Time

None of my kids came when I would have planned.

Thank goodness there is someone smarter than me with a plan.

Thank goodness I'm not the one in charge.

All of my kid's came in His time.

They came when I needed them.

There's:

#1

L

The Sherriff

and

Little Miss

They are my favorite people... on the planet!

They are special.

They are beautiful.

They are mine.

They're mine because He gave them to me. Heavenly Father has blessed me with an abundance of things I don't deserve, but the greatest of these blessings are my children.

 Now, back to how/when they came.

 

#1

That boy came just a year and a half after the hubby and I were married. It wasn't exactly how we'd planned it. We'd only been married 7 months when we found out we were pregnant. I remember distinctly the two of us staring at those two pink lines, giving us the positive answer and then looking up and saying, "Now what?"

#1 was born in September. The very month that I should have started my Senior year of college. Graduating has always been very important to me, but when I held that baby boy I knew I wouldn't go back. I couldn't leave him to get a degree I knew I wouldn't be using right away. I could not miss a minute of his precious little life. He felt like a missing piece. One I didn't even know was lost.

 

L

Even after a horrendous first birth, the hubby and I were excited to make #1 a big brother. We planned, we saved, we tried... but nothing happened. Not for--what felt like forever. But in fact ended up being a little less than 2 years. I could not understand why we were having so much trouble, #1 came so easily!!

I questioned so many things:

Weren't we good parents?

Was I doing enough?

But God has a reason for everything.

And as difficult as I thought those couple years were, they taught me a lot. They gave me great empathy for couples with fertility problems. I quickly learned that my less-than-two years was nothing compared to what some couples go through.

And now I am so very grateful for the lesson, as well as the beautiful boy--he was well worth the wait.

 

The Sheriff

Learning that I wasn't oh-so-fertile as we once thought and the fact that I was nursing, made us... well, not-so-super careful.

And so, just 12 months after the birth of L, I found out I was pregnant with the sheriff. Honestly, it scared the pants off of me. I was just getting the hang of 2 littles, throwing a third one into the mix when I still very much felt like I had a "baby" was frightening.

But again, the boy came when we needed him as well.

L seemed to be a born big brother and none of us could imagine our lives without the new boss of the house, our little Sheriff.

 

And finally

Little Miss

When I got pregnant with Little Miss the Sheriff was 5 years old--soon to be 6 years old.

We were done.

Family complete.

Well, if I'm being honest, I never did have that "complete" feeling until Little Miss was born. I always felt like somebody else might be up there waiting for us to get our act together.

But then the Sheriff turned 5 and everyone was pretty self-sufficient. So, I thought for about a minute, maybe we are done.

And then my mom got sick.

Really sick.

It came so fast and it took her down hard.

We were trying so hard to figure out a way to get her better that we hardly took time to consider losing her.

And then she was gone.

And my heart was broken.

I pretended to smile and laugh for my kids, but I wasn't very good at it. I tried to make dinner and spend time with friends. I tried to listen as other people talked about their lives and problems.

But I really didn't care.

9 months after mom died I knew I had to change. I had to do something. I was falling to pieces and my family was suffering because of it. That's when I turned my pain over to God. I have always been a religious/spiritual person. And I've always been grateful for a loving Heavenly Father's comfort and mercy. But this was too much for me. Every night I would beg for him to take it away. Some nights I couldn't speak and I would just lay there on my knees. So, when I got to this point I stopped asking Him to take it all away and instead I passed it over to Him. I still felt pain and anguish and loss, but I'd given Him my burden, He carried it for me. And I could feel the difference in every way.

That's when I got pregnant with Little Miss.

She wasn't discussed or planned.

But if I am being honest I absolutely knew she was coming.

I felt it.

And I knew she was a girl.

Some people think that's because after 3 sons I was dying to have a daughter. But really I adore my boys, I would have been happy to have another. I just knew this little one, this blessing, this gift was bringing part of my momma back to me.

I can just see the two of them sitting together in the heavens. My mom loving on her like she did all of her grandbabies. I can see her telling Little Miss to be a good girl and bring a smile back to her mom, me.

And she did.